The Crawfords adopted me from a family that gave me up because I ate their back porch. That’s right–not something left on the back porch–I ate and destroyed their ENTIRE back porch. It was so so fun when my old master came home and chased me around the yard while I had his window screens in my mouth. Yippee that was fun! It was so worth it.
Now I am with my new family. Anna is my master and I’ve already got her pretty well trained. But that stubborn Bo is so silly. He thought that giving me exercise would make me not chew so much. Surprise! Giving me exercise just builds my stamina so that I can chew even more! He tried to put everything away where I can’t get to it. Little did he know how good I am at climbing, jumping, crawling, digging, and dragging stuff out of the way so that I can always find new stuff to destroy. Apple Bitter Spray? Please–that stuff is delicious. I’ll drink it right out of the bottle.
Here are some of my favorite chew toys:
- 1 G-Loomis 843 Fishing Rod ( Bo is so funny when his face turns red)
- 1 Gas Can (with gas)
- 1 Bottle Windshield Washer Fluid (Yummy! Antifreeze kills other dogs but not me)
- 1 Table ( I taught Bo what happens when he teaches me on a “training table”)
- 3 bicycle pedals, 3 bicycle seats, 4 bicycle handlebars, 1 helmet.
- 1 seat cushion
- 1 electric chain saw
- 1 power drill
- 1 split ring pliers
- 1 fly fishing vest, 4 spools florocarbon line, 3 fly boxes
- 1 sleeping bag
- 1 dog kennel ( how you gonna lock me in now Bo?)
- 1 boat trailer light (you take that boat without me again and see what I destroy next time)
- 1 smoke detector
Listen to this one…this is so funny. Bo thought that getting me fixed would calm me down. So just try to follow his logic: you take me to a quack doctor, let her take my manhood, and my favorite things to lick. And this is suppose to make me act better how? You somehow thought that my response to this was going to be positive because why? Ummm…right. How about I now eat every single thing you own you sorry bastard. Try to punish me and I’ll play the puppy dog eyes card with your children. They’ll think I’m an angel and you see you as the devil you are. If you ever take me to some quack vet again I’ll make you regret it buddy.
So anyway, Anna always reminds her daddy that the Dog Whisperer says “there are no bad dogs, only bad owners”. It is so funny to watch Bo’s face when she says that. Wait….What’s that tickle I feel on my back? Oh, that’s just Mrs. Mary beating me because I chewed her gardening tools. Too funny. You gotta hit harder than that lady. Hey Honey, when you’re finished why don’t you do something useful like throw my ball or get me some food…
…Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes, life is pretty good here at the Crawford house. They are all stubborn but I’m making progress. Pretty soon they will learn who is in charge. Now what can I find to chew next? That spare tire over there is looking mighty tasty.